My Pain

Oh my god! It’s paining a lot; first time I’m feeling the pain of an injection. I can sense what is going to happen and I feel responsible for that. I just need to withstand this pain only for quite some time. This time the injection is different and I can feel that. Whenever I had an injection, I always had the feel of floating in air; I can see the clouds moving below my feet. The angels are waiting for my arrival and a vibrant music being played around me. I’ve been in this feeling for quite some time and I love it. Now a days I can’t live without it. I’ve even started wearing full sleeve shirts just to avoid the marks getting visible. Yes! I’m a drug addict and I’m in the worst phase of life. Actually to be frank I’m in my best phase of my life. I’m enjoying life in my own style just by affecting rather I would prefer to say addicting myself and not harming any other soul in this world.
I don’t know from where I got this habit and I even can’t remember that if any. But whatever, if there is any then I need to thank that for letting me in to this beautiful world. No one would love to get addicted to drugs, drinks or even cigarettes. But the pain they are going through makes them take this route. I chose this route since even I was in pain, yeah pain. We people don’t know how to get out this pain, which is mainly caused by love, betrayal, relationships, and of course money. But to be frank my case was totally different and I’m glad that at least here I’m unique. None of the mentioned reason here has caused pain to me but still I’m in pain. The only reason for that is Inferiority and I’ve been the epitome for the word Humiliation. I was humiliated all the while right from my childhood and I can’t even count the number of heads that had injected this inferiority complex in me.
“No one can make you inferior without your consent”, this is what my English teacher was teaching me and yeah I was quite an exceptional at that time itself. She asked the class whether anyone of us could give the meaning for this. I along with only few students raised my hand in eager to explain the meaning but she ignored me saying I’m not that smart enough to answer this and asked me to get out of the class. She then turned to a girl and asked her to explain. That was the worst reply a teacher can get but she applauded for the answer and made that girl feel so proud about her answer. Of course I can’t blame my teacher for that since she was expecting a salary hike and the girl was our school founder’s daughter. Since I had been used to it they didn’t worry for that.
During my 7th standard examination, a guy sitting behind me copied from me and I was taken to the principal for cheating in the exam hall. They didn’t even allow me to speak since they had a preconceived opinion about me and as if I was always known for this. They sent out a word for my parents and left me with a warning. I was good at sports and the only person who knew that was none other than me. And even here I was not spared; I was not even made as a volunteer for the event. I was made to sit in the last row and was given the job of getting water for the participants. The only soul who had a little bit of soft corner for me was my mom and of course she has to since she had no other option till my sister was born. She used to tell me stories about god, but I really doubt whether anything like that exists.
I was so affectionate on my sister, and would look after her like a dog guarding the house. But even she was made to believe rather taught that I was good for nothing. I was not even allowed to touch her when she was a kid. At her small age itself they have including my dad has injected the poison in her and even she started believing it and still believes. It was her 6th birthday and everyone was invited including all friends and relatives. It was a big birthday party I’ve seen so far in my life, but I haven’t even celebrated a single birthday and the saddest part is I was not even offered a piece of cake. How lucky to have been born in such a place. I didn’t mind that even if I had, there was no one to care about that. She was never allowed to speak with me. It hurts but what to do I’ve been grown up with that.
‘3H’ was the best policy everyone had towards me. And I was too good in discovering that. It was ‘Hurting’, ‘Humiliation’ and ‘Hatred’. They used to hate me, won’t even spare a chance to hurt and humiliate me. Whenever I feel like crying rain plays a spoilt and no one could see that I’m crying, even if they had seen it was just a waste of time. I stood as the state 3rd rank holder in 12th since it was not my teachers who were involved in correcting my papers and moreover the person who corrected my papers wouldn’t had known about me. At least once in my life I was lucky even though it was my hard work I should call it as Luck, even here luck is taking advantage of me. My dad when came to know about this news started hitting me and wanted to know the truth and how could I get so high marks. I didn’t speak a word coz it won’t be of any value.
I thought my life can now get to know meaning of the word change, but it wasn’t. I was not allowed to pursue my studies, since my father thought it was waste of time and money even though I got a scholarship. My mom’s struggle for me was also in vain. Two months later I got a job as apprentice in a small mechanical company. As time went they made my job permanent and I started earning as well in a few years. This is where first time in my life I made few friends who were also from the same background. I almost fell into a bad company, and got into this so called beautiful world of drugs. From that day till now I’ve been using drugs, there was no one to ask me, nor care for me.
It’s been almost 4 years since I’ve started using drugs. When my father came to knew about this, he ostracized me. I was staying with one of my fellow worker and my usage of drugs got increased. Every day I used to have the same feeling what I’m currently having now. The only person who had a soft corner for me other than my mom was my boss. The first person who liked and appreciated the way I worked. He advised and even admitted me and my friends in a rehabilitation camp that was taking place in our city. Every individual was consulted by a doctor and we were about to get treated. The doctor who was allocated to see me was none other than my sister. She was shocked to see me in that place as tears filled her eyes. I was wondering what was the problem with her since she already knew I was into this. I was wrong; she didn’t know why I was sent out of the house. She started treating me with her medicine and moreover as a brother as well. I felt there was nothing wrong from her side since she was not even allowed to speak with me and all I knew was just her name and nothing more than that.
She is trying to give the best treatment for me and wanted me to come out of this as early as possible. She now spends more time with me after her working hours which was something I’ve never heard or felt. I never had thought whether someone loved me this much as my sister. Perhaps if I had given at least a little bit of this concern in my childhood or in any part of my life I wouldn’t have entered into this world. Who knows even I would have become a doctor as well.
Drug is not a relief for pain, nor it is the solution for people like me. The one thing that is essential for people like me is a little bit of care and concern. My sister who is sitting next to me after giving the injection is hoping for something miracle to happen. But it isn’t, her image is getting blurred and yeah now I can really see those angels welcoming me.
“SAY NO TO DRUGS; SAY YES TO LIFE” - INSPIRED FROM THE MOVIE VAARANAM AAYIRAM