“Kareena broke up with Shahid Kapoor”. Oh my god when and why did this happen? Were you aware of any reason behind that, was the first question that was asked to me when I was about to publish this news in our newspaper. I was known for this and now a day’s people give more importance to these kinds of cinema gossips and grapevines. The prior news which I published got me more accolades were “Shahrukh to sizzle with six packs in his new venture Om Shanthi Om”. I’ve been continuously getting constant and positive feedbacks from the age class between 18-26. I was really happy rather excited in reading those feedbacks which were mainly from girls. There were few girls who used to mail me in my personal id just to get the info about their favorite hero’s and heroine. I was meticulously known for these kinds of news.
I was born in the soil where the great “Subramanya Bharathiyar” hails from. There was no better poet to be compared with him during his generation and even now I reckon. I was totally admired by his writing and wanted to become something like him. Even a small kid would get the independence thirst just by hearing his words. More than addressing people in large gatherings, he rather chose his writing skill to reach individuals directly. That’s the power of his writing. I was not good in writing poems rather I haven’t tried it except during my first year of college where I wrote a poem for my first crush and gave her. The reaction was quite obvious in the form of a slap and she even asked me not to torture anyone in the form of writing poems. Well that was really a good experience and I guess she has saved some souls from my writing.
Today, the situation is entirely different. There is quite a big list of readers especially youngsters who read our paper only for my news. My only aim right from my childhood after getting inspired from Subramanya Bharathiyar was to serve the nation. I didn’t have any plans of joining the military for that, but I chose this path so that even I can directly reach people without any restrictions. But I was wrong, there were quite some restriction and of course they are bound to happen irrespective of the field. The only thing I had in my mind was to become one of the best reporter in the country and take up as much as social issues as possible and moreover to create social awareness among peoples.
I should say I’ve achieved one part of my dream by becoming almost a best reporter in the country for cinema’s gossips and grapevines. On my first day at office when I was asked by my boss in where my area of interest lies and my immediate answer was “Social Issues”. I think that was quite a generic answer but my boss took the exact meaning of that and put me in the cinema section. I haven't thought that cinema was a social issue till that time. I was not able to ask for a change since it was my first job and moreover it was my passion. Soon I got recognitions for my work and my boss was happy with the way I have proceeded. Once I wrote an article on srilanka and the problems the plebeian were facing in their country. My boss read the article and told there are many people already assigned for that task and I need to concentrate on “Shreya” rather than Srilanka. Of course my boss was right, because the one that reveals more gets more attention.
The word “Change” was meant only for one person and that is Obama and apart from him I haven’t seen even traces of the word change in my life. I was always involved in gathering reports like “This Bollywood Star names her dog Craig, wonder what’s her relation with the new bond”. “This actress celebrates her 33rd birthday and she received 33 different gifts from the industries top hero. Any guesses on this hero.” “I was shocked when he kissed me in public. An open interview with this glamour queen”. Oh my god! Give me a break. It was altogether the same for me and I’ve been keep on doing this for almost 4 years. It was similar to this guy “BALA MECHANICAL” who continuously keeps on posting romantic blogs. I seriously don’t know how many romantic encounters he would have faced in his life. Though the blogs were good, it all has only one concept “Love” except for the last blog.
One fine day, my boss called me to his cabin and gave me a letter to read. It was altogether a different letter and so far I’ve never ever read or seen such a letter. It was from a woman who hails from a rural place and the content was written with such an emotion that no one would control their tears after reading that. I was asked by my boss to immediately visit the women and get a detailed report about her. I was really excited in hearing this, since it was completely a different job assigned to me and I was happier than I was when I interviewed “Amrita Rao” for the first time. The place from where we received the letter was almost 80kms from our place and I had no other option apart from going by bus. I reached the final bus stop and when enquired I got to know that I have to walk at least 8 km to reach the exact place. The post-office was available only in this place and I was wondering how this woman would have walked all this 8km to post the letter. I was really surprised to see such a kind of place on the way where you hardly see any soul. In fact not even in some Bengali movies I had seen this location. The whole route was full of thorns and I was sure that there would definitely be snakes around.
I finally reached her place. There were only 20-25 huts nearby and it was something I’ve never even seen in my entire life, people living in such a remote place. I somehow enquired from the nearby people and got to know this women’s house and was waiting outside since she had gone some 2km just to fetch water. This is where first time I came to understand what is life and what is the exact meaning for the word difficulty. She was back after some time and was happy to receive a response in my form for her letter. As soon as she opened the door, there came two children’s running out. One was a boy around 10 years of age and the other being his younger sister almost 7-8 years. She gave me a cup of butter milk which tasted like heaven. It was more than those diet cokes and sprite which I used to have.
After a while, I started asking her about what made her to write such a letter. I was so deeply moved by her answer. To start off with she was widow and has two children which I already made out. Her husband was in military and died in the enemy hands after killing 5 of them. His body was brought back in four pieces and no one would have imagined anything like that. He was the only security she had and even he is no more. She was about to receive Rs 10,000/- from the government, which she hasn’t received for almost 8 months. The panchayat didn’t even bother to help her rather expelled her from the community saying she was a widow and from backward cast as well. Her son was sent back from school for not paying fees. The only source of help she got was from the old post man of that place. He wrote a letter to our office and wanted to take up and publish this issue in our “Social Issues” section. This is where I was about to publish the srilanka issue where I was earlier rejected. This time I want to publish this issue and show some justice towards this woman.
It was already getting dark and I was about to leave. She was so thankful to me and asked me to have dinner and leave. I was already full. The few words which she said before I started made me feel that there is still humanity exists in this world. The only reason why she wanted her son to get a minimal education was she even wanted him to join the military and serve the nation. I asked her why she wants to send her son to military since she already lost her husband and why unnecessarily she wants to risk her son’s life. The reply which she gave was really mind blowing. She said that we all are born in this earth for a reason and one reason which she was aware was to do something for the motherland. By serving the nation through military is the only way towards that which she got to know from her husband and since her husband is no more she wants her son to do the duty. What would I call this, I was in search of words but words failed me at that moment. I just saluted her and walked from that place. This is called Patriotism and today is the day I felt it.
The next day we published it and the response what I got for this was something beyond imagination. She got the amount allocated by the government and more than that there were lots of readers who contributed towards her child’s future. I was showered only with praises that day for taking up this issue. My life took a new dimension from that day. I was really happy with the way I contributed a bit towards a mother and her children’s life. From that day I’ve changed my area of interest; my only topic was about Military men and their services to the nation. There was even a green signal from my boss. I haven’t done anything to my country till that time, but now I’m doing a little bit with the most powerful weapon ‘Pen’. This was my way of showing ‘Patriotism’. The happiest thing I’ve ever done is contributing a part of my salary every month for her children’s future. That was perhaps the biggest journey in my life and a journey to be remembered.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
My Pain
Oh my god! It’s paining a lot; first time I’m feeling the pain of an injection. I can sense what is going to happen and I feel responsible for that. I just need to withstand this pain only for quite some time. This time the injection is different and I can feel that. Whenever I had an injection, I always had the feel of floating in air; I can see the clouds moving below my feet. The angels are waiting for my arrival and a vibrant music being played around me. I’ve been in this feeling for quite some time and I love it. Now a days I can’t live without it. I’ve even started wearing full sleeve shirts just to avoid the marks getting visible. Yes! I’m a drug addict and I’m in the worst phase of life. Actually to be frank I’m in my best phase of my life. I’m enjoying life in my own style just by affecting rather I would prefer to say addicting myself and not harming any other soul in this world.
I don’t know from where I got this habit and I even can’t remember that if any. But whatever, if there is any then I need to thank that for letting me in to this beautiful world. No one would love to get addicted to drugs, drinks or even cigarettes. But the pain they are going through makes them take this route. I chose this route since even I was in pain, yeah pain. We people don’t know how to get out this pain, which is mainly caused by love, betrayal, relationships, and of course money. But to be frank my case was totally different and I’m glad that at least here I’m unique. None of the mentioned reason here has caused pain to me but still I’m in pain. The only reason for that is Inferiority and I’ve been the epitome for the word Humiliation. I was humiliated all the while right from my childhood and I can’t even count the number of heads that had injected this inferiority complex in me.
“No one can make you inferior without your consent”, this is what my English teacher was teaching me and yeah I was quite an exceptional at that time itself. She asked the class whether anyone of us could give the meaning for this. I along with only few students raised my hand in eager to explain the meaning but she ignored me saying I’m not that smart enough to answer this and asked me to get out of the class. She then turned to a girl and asked her to explain. That was the worst reply a teacher can get but she applauded for the answer and made that girl feel so proud about her answer. Of course I can’t blame my teacher for that since she was expecting a salary hike and the girl was our school founder’s daughter. Since I had been used to it they didn’t worry for that.
During my 7th standard examination, a guy sitting behind me copied from me and I was taken to the principal for cheating in the exam hall. They didn’t even allow me to speak since they had a preconceived opinion about me and as if I was always known for this. They sent out a word for my parents and left me with a warning. I was good at sports and the only person who knew that was none other than me. And even here I was not spared; I was not even made as a volunteer for the event. I was made to sit in the last row and was given the job of getting water for the participants. The only soul who had a little bit of soft corner for me was my mom and of course she has to since she had no other option till my sister was born. She used to tell me stories about god, but I really doubt whether anything like that exists.
I was so affectionate on my sister, and would look after her like a dog guarding the house. But even she was made to believe rather taught that I was good for nothing. I was not even allowed to touch her when she was a kid. At her small age itself they have including my dad has injected the poison in her and even she started believing it and still believes. It was her 6th birthday and everyone was invited including all friends and relatives. It was a big birthday party I’ve seen so far in my life, but I haven’t even celebrated a single birthday and the saddest part is I was not even offered a piece of cake. How lucky to have been born in such a place. I didn’t mind that even if I had, there was no one to care about that. She was never allowed to speak with me. It hurts but what to do I’ve been grown up with that.
‘3H’ was the best policy everyone had towards me. And I was too good in discovering that. It was ‘Hurting’, ‘Humiliation’ and ‘Hatred’. They used to hate me, won’t even spare a chance to hurt and humiliate me. Whenever I feel like crying rain plays a spoilt and no one could see that I’m crying, even if they had seen it was just a waste of time. I stood as the state 3rd rank holder in 12th since it was not my teachers who were involved in correcting my papers and moreover the person who corrected my papers wouldn’t had known about me. At least once in my life I was lucky even though it was my hard work I should call it as Luck, even here luck is taking advantage of me. My dad when came to know about this news started hitting me and wanted to know the truth and how could I get so high marks. I didn’t speak a word coz it won’t be of any value.
I thought my life can now get to know meaning of the word change, but it wasn’t. I was not allowed to pursue my studies, since my father thought it was waste of time and money even though I got a scholarship. My mom’s struggle for me was also in vain. Two months later I got a job as apprentice in a small mechanical company. As time went they made my job permanent and I started earning as well in a few years. This is where first time in my life I made few friends who were also from the same background. I almost fell into a bad company, and got into this so called beautiful world of drugs. From that day till now I’ve been using drugs, there was no one to ask me, nor care for me.
It’s been almost 4 years since I’ve started using drugs. When my father came to knew about this, he ostracized me. I was staying with one of my fellow worker and my usage of drugs got increased. Every day I used to have the same feeling what I’m currently having now. The only person who had a soft corner for me other than my mom was my boss. The first person who liked and appreciated the way I worked. He advised and even admitted me and my friends in a rehabilitation camp that was taking place in our city. Every individual was consulted by a doctor and we were about to get treated. The doctor who was allocated to see me was none other than my sister. She was shocked to see me in that place as tears filled her eyes. I was wondering what was the problem with her since she already knew I was into this. I was wrong; she didn’t know why I was sent out of the house. She started treating me with her medicine and moreover as a brother as well. I felt there was nothing wrong from her side since she was not even allowed to speak with me and all I knew was just her name and nothing more than that.
She is trying to give the best treatment for me and wanted me to come out of this as early as possible. She now spends more time with me after her working hours which was something I’ve never heard or felt. I never had thought whether someone loved me this much as my sister. Perhaps if I had given at least a little bit of this concern in my childhood or in any part of my life I wouldn’t have entered into this world. Who knows even I would have become a doctor as well.
Drug is not a relief for pain, nor it is the solution for people like me. The one thing that is essential for people like me is a little bit of care and concern. My sister who is sitting next to me after giving the injection is hoping for something miracle to happen. But it isn’t, her image is getting blurred and yeah now I can really see those angels welcoming me.
“SAY NO TO DRUGS; SAY YES TO LIFE” - INSPIRED FROM THE MOVIE VAARANAM AAYIRAM
I don’t know from where I got this habit and I even can’t remember that if any. But whatever, if there is any then I need to thank that for letting me in to this beautiful world. No one would love to get addicted to drugs, drinks or even cigarettes. But the pain they are going through makes them take this route. I chose this route since even I was in pain, yeah pain. We people don’t know how to get out this pain, which is mainly caused by love, betrayal, relationships, and of course money. But to be frank my case was totally different and I’m glad that at least here I’m unique. None of the mentioned reason here has caused pain to me but still I’m in pain. The only reason for that is Inferiority and I’ve been the epitome for the word Humiliation. I was humiliated all the while right from my childhood and I can’t even count the number of heads that had injected this inferiority complex in me.
“No one can make you inferior without your consent”, this is what my English teacher was teaching me and yeah I was quite an exceptional at that time itself. She asked the class whether anyone of us could give the meaning for this. I along with only few students raised my hand in eager to explain the meaning but she ignored me saying I’m not that smart enough to answer this and asked me to get out of the class. She then turned to a girl and asked her to explain. That was the worst reply a teacher can get but she applauded for the answer and made that girl feel so proud about her answer. Of course I can’t blame my teacher for that since she was expecting a salary hike and the girl was our school founder’s daughter. Since I had been used to it they didn’t worry for that.
During my 7th standard examination, a guy sitting behind me copied from me and I was taken to the principal for cheating in the exam hall. They didn’t even allow me to speak since they had a preconceived opinion about me and as if I was always known for this. They sent out a word for my parents and left me with a warning. I was good at sports and the only person who knew that was none other than me. And even here I was not spared; I was not even made as a volunteer for the event. I was made to sit in the last row and was given the job of getting water for the participants. The only soul who had a little bit of soft corner for me was my mom and of course she has to since she had no other option till my sister was born. She used to tell me stories about god, but I really doubt whether anything like that exists.
I was so affectionate on my sister, and would look after her like a dog guarding the house. But even she was made to believe rather taught that I was good for nothing. I was not even allowed to touch her when she was a kid. At her small age itself they have including my dad has injected the poison in her and even she started believing it and still believes. It was her 6th birthday and everyone was invited including all friends and relatives. It was a big birthday party I’ve seen so far in my life, but I haven’t even celebrated a single birthday and the saddest part is I was not even offered a piece of cake. How lucky to have been born in such a place. I didn’t mind that even if I had, there was no one to care about that. She was never allowed to speak with me. It hurts but what to do I’ve been grown up with that.
‘3H’ was the best policy everyone had towards me. And I was too good in discovering that. It was ‘Hurting’, ‘Humiliation’ and ‘Hatred’. They used to hate me, won’t even spare a chance to hurt and humiliate me. Whenever I feel like crying rain plays a spoilt and no one could see that I’m crying, even if they had seen it was just a waste of time. I stood as the state 3rd rank holder in 12th since it was not my teachers who were involved in correcting my papers and moreover the person who corrected my papers wouldn’t had known about me. At least once in my life I was lucky even though it was my hard work I should call it as Luck, even here luck is taking advantage of me. My dad when came to know about this news started hitting me and wanted to know the truth and how could I get so high marks. I didn’t speak a word coz it won’t be of any value.
I thought my life can now get to know meaning of the word change, but it wasn’t. I was not allowed to pursue my studies, since my father thought it was waste of time and money even though I got a scholarship. My mom’s struggle for me was also in vain. Two months later I got a job as apprentice in a small mechanical company. As time went they made my job permanent and I started earning as well in a few years. This is where first time in my life I made few friends who were also from the same background. I almost fell into a bad company, and got into this so called beautiful world of drugs. From that day till now I’ve been using drugs, there was no one to ask me, nor care for me.
It’s been almost 4 years since I’ve started using drugs. When my father came to knew about this, he ostracized me. I was staying with one of my fellow worker and my usage of drugs got increased. Every day I used to have the same feeling what I’m currently having now. The only person who had a soft corner for me other than my mom was my boss. The first person who liked and appreciated the way I worked. He advised and even admitted me and my friends in a rehabilitation camp that was taking place in our city. Every individual was consulted by a doctor and we were about to get treated. The doctor who was allocated to see me was none other than my sister. She was shocked to see me in that place as tears filled her eyes. I was wondering what was the problem with her since she already knew I was into this. I was wrong; she didn’t know why I was sent out of the house. She started treating me with her medicine and moreover as a brother as well. I felt there was nothing wrong from her side since she was not even allowed to speak with me and all I knew was just her name and nothing more than that.
She is trying to give the best treatment for me and wanted me to come out of this as early as possible. She now spends more time with me after her working hours which was something I’ve never heard or felt. I never had thought whether someone loved me this much as my sister. Perhaps if I had given at least a little bit of this concern in my childhood or in any part of my life I wouldn’t have entered into this world. Who knows even I would have become a doctor as well.
Drug is not a relief for pain, nor it is the solution for people like me. The one thing that is essential for people like me is a little bit of care and concern. My sister who is sitting next to me after giving the injection is hoping for something miracle to happen. But it isn’t, her image is getting blurred and yeah now I can really see those angels welcoming me.
“SAY NO TO DRUGS; SAY YES TO LIFE” - INSPIRED FROM THE MOVIE VAARANAM AAYIRAM
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sweet Rascal
It’s almost 6 pm and I’m still waiting for him in the bus stand. I’ve been waiting for more than 45 minutes and he hasn’t turned up yet. I tried calling him on his mobile but there is no answer. I don’t know how long I need to wait for him. I remember the first time when he promised to pick me up from here, he made me wait for almost half an hour and he still continues to be the same. If there is one word that is missing from his dictionary then it would be definitely ‘Punctual’ and if there are some words which he would always love to use then it would be ‘Love’, ‘Care’, ‘Concern’, and ‘Affection’. I don’t know what these words exactly meant, until he came into my life. I’m still waiting for him.
Ours was an arranged marriage, once the engagement was over I thought he would call me out for a first official date, but this idiot didn’t. I still used to criticize him for that. I waited for a week and then I called him out for a date. He accepted and was even ready to pick me up from my place. We thought of going to beach around 5.30 pm, but he came at around 8 pm with a guilty smile on his face saying he was held up in traffic. From that day till now he hasn’t kept his words. Anyways he didn’t disappoint me any longer, he took me to the beach on his bike and it was such a romantic experience. He asked me to hold him by his hips and did some sorts of heroic stunts while driving just to attract me, but I was rather scared than enjoying it. The moment we got down, there was a gentle breeze welcoming us, I had been to this beach umpteen number of times but haven’t enjoyed this kind of breeze. I was thinking there was something special in it and yeah it is because he is with me and this is my first date.
I’m so frustrated that I kept on calling his number even though I knew there wouldn’t be any response since there was none for the past 30 minutes or so. I’m feeling damn hungry and yeah this is the same way I felt that evening when we got down from the bike. Before I could start, he took a rose from his pocket, kneeled in front of me and said those 3 magical words “I Love You”. After our engagement I was wondering how this guy would be since he didn’t call me for a week and even on engagement he didn’t speak much but the act which he did mad me say Wow! This guy is so romantic, and I couldn’t have imagined anything better than this. I fell in love with him for the first time. He then held my hand took me to the sea. Everything, right from the breeze, waves, sand, pop corn seems to be new to me. It was just because of him. He was late but I should say he made my day. We had dinner and again it was time for lovely bike ride and soon we reached my place. Before I could enter my house he asked me close my eyes. I thought it was going to be my first kiss, but it wasn’t he took a gift from his pocket and placed it in my hand. My first gift, I would say and it was the beautiful gift of my life. It was a small crystal ball with my picture on top and his on the bottom with all romantic wordings between. It was not something that was readily available in the market and this is where I came to knew what he had been doing that whole week.
From that day, till our day of marriage my mobile bill rose like the US dollar rate and he would be always yearning for my call. When asked why he didn’t call me when he needs to speak with me, he would say that it won’t add spice to the romantic feeling and getting a call at the expected moment when he wants to speak with me indicates my love it seems. I don’t know what was the logic behind that, but I really admired that and yeah of course love doesn’t have any logic. And yeah even till now he didn’t call me and informed that he would be late and I’m still waiting in the bus stop.
I knew he would definitely come and there was not even a small doubt in the back of my mind. On the day of our marriage where he was asked to hold my hand in front of the sacred fire and say that ‘I won’t leave your hand and will remain truthful and always be there for you till my end of life’. I really don’t know whether he said what was instructed but was sure it was right from his heart and he told that directly looking into my eyes. That’s the second time I fell in love with him again. So far I’ve not spared even a single chance in thanking god for such a sweet husband.
After our marriage only I got to realize the other side of him. He was a lovable husband and at the same time he was a mischievous kid. Only those who really knew him well can make out this character in him. He never used to keep anything in a proper place and was a little spoilt. He never used to bother nor care for others word. He used to live his life as he likes and of course for me as well. He never opposes me in anything and used to agree with whatever I say right from my profession till the dress I wore. He always wanted me to be myself and that’s what every girl would wish in her life even after her marriage. And yeah even there were no such words like ‘Fight’ and ‘Argument’ in his dictionary. He used to listen to me patiently every time just by nodding his head. Daily he used to drop me for work and pick me back but not at the time he promised, coz he has never done that and he is yet again proving it.
Everyday used to start with a sunrise and end with a sunset, but for me everyday used to start with a kiss in my forehead and end in the same. The only day in a whole year when he used to wake up early was for my birthday. I remember last time on my birthday when he promised to turn up early that evening but didn’t and came as usual in his own timing, I was in full rage. When we came back home after dinner I started shouting at him like anything, he suddenly pulled me close to him looked into my eyes and said ‘I Love You Darling’ and kissed me on my cheeks. I was totally out of words; I don’t know what to speak and what I was speaking at that moment. First time I’m experiencing a romantic spell bound situation and I loved it. He knows how to pacify me and make me be at my best in these kinds of situations. The one thing I really hate about him is, he never used to accompany me for my sari shopping.
Time is 7.45 pm and he still hasn’t arrived. I don’t know how long I need to wait, may be another hour or so, he won’t be so late because he never used to miss those beautiful times at night. We always used to speak a lot before we sleep. Right from the day we got married till now we used to speak and it has become a routine. I always used to speak about my first crush, right from my school till college and how the day went. He used to listen to me patiently without any hesitation. I sometimes wonder whether he had covered his ears with cotton, he hasn’t. He always used to tell me, it’s advisable for man to marry a women who he would like to speak with, coz at their old age they are gifted only with this blessing of talking with each other. I always used to sleep in his arms instead of resting my head in a pillow. Every day and night was so beautiful for me.
Its 8.10 now and first time I’m getting a thought of taking an auto, but there comes my hero, and even now he is here for me and didn’t allow me to travel alone. I know he would again give the same reason, which he gave on the first day but whatever happens he is such a sweetheart, though I would like calling him ‘My Sweet Rascal’.
Ours was an arranged marriage, once the engagement was over I thought he would call me out for a first official date, but this idiot didn’t. I still used to criticize him for that. I waited for a week and then I called him out for a date. He accepted and was even ready to pick me up from my place. We thought of going to beach around 5.30 pm, but he came at around 8 pm with a guilty smile on his face saying he was held up in traffic. From that day till now he hasn’t kept his words. Anyways he didn’t disappoint me any longer, he took me to the beach on his bike and it was such a romantic experience. He asked me to hold him by his hips and did some sorts of heroic stunts while driving just to attract me, but I was rather scared than enjoying it. The moment we got down, there was a gentle breeze welcoming us, I had been to this beach umpteen number of times but haven’t enjoyed this kind of breeze. I was thinking there was something special in it and yeah it is because he is with me and this is my first date.
I’m so frustrated that I kept on calling his number even though I knew there wouldn’t be any response since there was none for the past 30 minutes or so. I’m feeling damn hungry and yeah this is the same way I felt that evening when we got down from the bike. Before I could start, he took a rose from his pocket, kneeled in front of me and said those 3 magical words “I Love You”. After our engagement I was wondering how this guy would be since he didn’t call me for a week and even on engagement he didn’t speak much but the act which he did mad me say Wow! This guy is so romantic, and I couldn’t have imagined anything better than this. I fell in love with him for the first time. He then held my hand took me to the sea. Everything, right from the breeze, waves, sand, pop corn seems to be new to me. It was just because of him. He was late but I should say he made my day. We had dinner and again it was time for lovely bike ride and soon we reached my place. Before I could enter my house he asked me close my eyes. I thought it was going to be my first kiss, but it wasn’t he took a gift from his pocket and placed it in my hand. My first gift, I would say and it was the beautiful gift of my life. It was a small crystal ball with my picture on top and his on the bottom with all romantic wordings between. It was not something that was readily available in the market and this is where I came to knew what he had been doing that whole week.
From that day, till our day of marriage my mobile bill rose like the US dollar rate and he would be always yearning for my call. When asked why he didn’t call me when he needs to speak with me, he would say that it won’t add spice to the romantic feeling and getting a call at the expected moment when he wants to speak with me indicates my love it seems. I don’t know what was the logic behind that, but I really admired that and yeah of course love doesn’t have any logic. And yeah even till now he didn’t call me and informed that he would be late and I’m still waiting in the bus stop.
I knew he would definitely come and there was not even a small doubt in the back of my mind. On the day of our marriage where he was asked to hold my hand in front of the sacred fire and say that ‘I won’t leave your hand and will remain truthful and always be there for you till my end of life’. I really don’t know whether he said what was instructed but was sure it was right from his heart and he told that directly looking into my eyes. That’s the second time I fell in love with him again. So far I’ve not spared even a single chance in thanking god for such a sweet husband.
After our marriage only I got to realize the other side of him. He was a lovable husband and at the same time he was a mischievous kid. Only those who really knew him well can make out this character in him. He never used to keep anything in a proper place and was a little spoilt. He never used to bother nor care for others word. He used to live his life as he likes and of course for me as well. He never opposes me in anything and used to agree with whatever I say right from my profession till the dress I wore. He always wanted me to be myself and that’s what every girl would wish in her life even after her marriage. And yeah even there were no such words like ‘Fight’ and ‘Argument’ in his dictionary. He used to listen to me patiently every time just by nodding his head. Daily he used to drop me for work and pick me back but not at the time he promised, coz he has never done that and he is yet again proving it.
Everyday used to start with a sunrise and end with a sunset, but for me everyday used to start with a kiss in my forehead and end in the same. The only day in a whole year when he used to wake up early was for my birthday. I remember last time on my birthday when he promised to turn up early that evening but didn’t and came as usual in his own timing, I was in full rage. When we came back home after dinner I started shouting at him like anything, he suddenly pulled me close to him looked into my eyes and said ‘I Love You Darling’ and kissed me on my cheeks. I was totally out of words; I don’t know what to speak and what I was speaking at that moment. First time I’m experiencing a romantic spell bound situation and I loved it. He knows how to pacify me and make me be at my best in these kinds of situations. The one thing I really hate about him is, he never used to accompany me for my sari shopping.
Time is 7.45 pm and he still hasn’t arrived. I don’t know how long I need to wait, may be another hour or so, he won’t be so late because he never used to miss those beautiful times at night. We always used to speak a lot before we sleep. Right from the day we got married till now we used to speak and it has become a routine. I always used to speak about my first crush, right from my school till college and how the day went. He used to listen to me patiently without any hesitation. I sometimes wonder whether he had covered his ears with cotton, he hasn’t. He always used to tell me, it’s advisable for man to marry a women who he would like to speak with, coz at their old age they are gifted only with this blessing of talking with each other. I always used to sleep in his arms instead of resting my head in a pillow. Every day and night was so beautiful for me.
Its 8.10 now and first time I’m getting a thought of taking an auto, but there comes my hero, and even now he is here for me and didn’t allow me to travel alone. I know he would again give the same reason, which he gave on the first day but whatever happens he is such a sweetheart, though I would like calling him ‘My Sweet Rascal’.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
It's Still Raining
It’s raining outside and weather is awesome. I’ve always enjoyed rain and it’s even a part of my life. I was sitting in my balcony admiring the beauty of the nature. The green leaves, dark sky, nonstop rain made me even more comfortable. Time is around 4.30pm and I was thinking how it would be to have a hot cup of coffee with some bajji’s in this weather. The moment I turned, there was my wife with a hot cup of coffee and bajji’s in her hand walking towards me. Is it telepathy? Or she has understood me and my likings to the best extent? I would rather prefer the later one. I would say she was one step more than my mom in terms of understanding me. I think god has blessed me this time but I still hate him. I’ve always heard people say it’s hard to look into one’s eye, but she was quite exceptional in that case. She kept those snacks in the table and sat opposite to me looking directly into my eyes. She always used to have a smile in her face and that is more than enough to sink a titanic. If the huge titanic could sink in that small curve on her face, then imagine my case. I’ve tried so many times looking into her eyes directly but I couldn’t. Even now I’m trying to, but I can’t.
I’ve even tried asking her why she does that always and is that her characteristic or something. She just used to reply back with her deadly weapon smile. This may sound weird to many but I got used to it and to be frank I really love that. I used to get lost in her eyes. She likes me more than her dad, loves me more than her mom and takes care of me more than herself. Yeah I’m really blessed to have her in my life. She would admire me in every small way possible. So far never in my life I’ve got angry on her and I would never. She was the most adorable person I’ve ever met in my life.
It was during October, I saw her first time in my life. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, because it was kind of embarrassment situation for me. There was a heavy downpour and it was hard for me to make it to the bus stop. So I entered a nearby coffee shop to have my favorite amrita Coffee. She was sitting in a corner table enjoying her coffee and admiring the nature’s beauty. It was a triple delight for me, the rain, Coffee, and this beautiful damsel. Yeah I’ve even checked that out. I gathered enough courage and went and sat opposite to her. She didn’t even bother to look at me and was still enjoying the rain. We both had same taste of admiring the beauty of rain. I made my throat clear, just to get her attention. This time it was successful, mission accomplished. She just gave me a glimpse and continued to enjoy her rain again. I don’t want to let this chance go, all the three beautiful things in front of me and I don’t want to spare even one.
Rain, the beautiful thing to be admired in the world right? The moment I asked her, she drank the last sip quickly and walked away from that place. I was down with embarrassment and even more shocked to see almost most of them in coffee day starring at me. They all were looking at her more than the rain. I quickly ran out of the place. All the while heading towards my home, was only thinking of her and her reaction towards me. She doesn’t look like a person who has attitude or head weight, or does she? May be she doesn’t like speaking with strangers, or something must be wrong with her. These were few questions flowing from my mind and my heart had only one positive answer for that “she’s a nice girl”. I always listen to my heart rather than my top floor.
The next day my dad asked me to come early from work. Before I could ask the most famous question why, my dad replied back saying it’s something related to my marriage. That evening we went to the girls place. We were greeted at the entrance by her parents and as usual my dad started speaking about my studies, work and salary, just to show off how good son he has. I’ve been sitting calm all the while with a little dejected look. Yeah dejected, because I need to marry this girl whoever it is else I would be forced. But what about my ‘Rain sent angel’ whom I met yesterday, well dad has just bought a new leather belt. So I thought its better for me to forget things and just accept the present. It started raining heavily outside and people even started to tell it’s really lucky to have rain in this situation. It always brings good fortune.
Well I don’t know whether it was a good fortune or not but rain has again bought good luck to me. The girl who I saw was my Rain sent angel. My happiness had no bounds and I wanted to jump in joy but unfortunately dad is sitting next to me. I was saying this to myself whatever happens she has to speak to me and there is no other go. But before I could ask I was disturbed by a call from my boss. I went out to speak and finish it as quick as possible but the moment I returned, it was like a Warfield for me. All I can hear was my dad shouting at their parents that he is not interested in proceeding further and walked out. My dream which was about to come true was shattered by my dad. I didn’t had any clue what happened, all I can remember was her eyes which was filled with tears.
There was a pin drop silence in my house when we returned and my dad had just proposed a LAW that no one should ever speak about that girl and the incident that just happened. Since I didn’t had any clue of what exactly happened, it was like Greek and Latin for me. That night I was getting all wild imaginations, whether she was a widow? Or she was in love with someone else? If so why she accepted for this so called engagement? Was it anything related to dowry? That was not possible coz my dad was against it always. Or is she from other cast? Hmmm then there is no way that my dad would have entered their house. Then what the hell is the problem. I was totally against this culture of seeing one girl, then rejecting her saying some filthy reason and seeing the other. This time my brain dominated me almost, but like my superstar who used to come at the right time, my heart told me one thing. Whatever happens, I’m going to marry her no matter whoever opposes. This time I didn’t even care about my dad’s new leather belt.
Next day I went early to office, got permission from my boss and went to find the whereabouts of my rain sent angel. I somehow found where she was working. It was private school where she was teaching some little kids with her skills. It really amazed me and moreover she was really happy with the way she was living her life. I could see her smiling all the while and that’s the first time I saw her smiling, oh my god how beautiful she is! Dad I said to myself, I think it’s time for you to change your glasses. I waited till she completed her class. On seeing me standing outside the class she didn’t even spared a minute to stay there. She walked out immediately; I followed her begging for just 2 minutes to speak with her. At first she hesitated, but she somehow agreed to listen to me.
We went to the nearest coffee shop. I started with a sorry, for the way my dad behaved and told her that I wanted to marry her, no matter whatever happens. She looked directly into my eyes for the first time in my life, but I was so steady in conveying my wish since it was from my heart. First time I saw her smiling to me and that was the best moment in my life. She then took me to her house, after several hours of blasting from her dad, just for the way my dad behaved he finally agreed. This is where I learnt patience. Now everything was from my side.
My decision of marrying her was opposed by every individual in my family, even by my six year old niece coz even she was bought up under my father’s control. The only person who was happy with my decision was my mom, but she can’t speak openly in that male dominated family, I would rather say male dominated society. The only option my dad gave to chose was to leave the house if I need to marry her. All this while she was standing next to me without uttering a single word. My dad thought I would say, I would marry her only with their permission. But that style was passé and I couldn’t even imagine of telling those dialogues. So I decided to leave my home and get married.
It was a beautiful day, my mom had been to temple for our marriage and she blessed us along with my lucky rain. Right from that day till now she admires every bit of me and always used to look into my eyes and even now. I can’t imagine my dad being so ruthless to her on that day. She is still sitting by my side and looking at me, I asked her “Do you really love me”. She didn’t say anything and just smiled at me. I wish I could hear her say “I Love You Too” but she can’t. She sometimes reminds me of my mom, who can speak but was not allowed, here I wished she could speak but she couldn’t. Both are same, even my mom is dumb rather was made physically handicapped in that society. And yeah this is the only reason for which I hate god. Even now I used to admire her teaching those kids only by her action. She was my positive energy, inspiration, role model and on top of this she is my wife, should be lucky to have her as my wife. It’s still raining.
I’ve even tried asking her why she does that always and is that her characteristic or something. She just used to reply back with her deadly weapon smile. This may sound weird to many but I got used to it and to be frank I really love that. I used to get lost in her eyes. She likes me more than her dad, loves me more than her mom and takes care of me more than herself. Yeah I’m really blessed to have her in my life. She would admire me in every small way possible. So far never in my life I’ve got angry on her and I would never. She was the most adorable person I’ve ever met in my life.
It was during October, I saw her first time in my life. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, because it was kind of embarrassment situation for me. There was a heavy downpour and it was hard for me to make it to the bus stop. So I entered a nearby coffee shop to have my favorite amrita Coffee. She was sitting in a corner table enjoying her coffee and admiring the nature’s beauty. It was a triple delight for me, the rain, Coffee, and this beautiful damsel. Yeah I’ve even checked that out. I gathered enough courage and went and sat opposite to her. She didn’t even bother to look at me and was still enjoying the rain. We both had same taste of admiring the beauty of rain. I made my throat clear, just to get her attention. This time it was successful, mission accomplished. She just gave me a glimpse and continued to enjoy her rain again. I don’t want to let this chance go, all the three beautiful things in front of me and I don’t want to spare even one.
Rain, the beautiful thing to be admired in the world right? The moment I asked her, she drank the last sip quickly and walked away from that place. I was down with embarrassment and even more shocked to see almost most of them in coffee day starring at me. They all were looking at her more than the rain. I quickly ran out of the place. All the while heading towards my home, was only thinking of her and her reaction towards me. She doesn’t look like a person who has attitude or head weight, or does she? May be she doesn’t like speaking with strangers, or something must be wrong with her. These were few questions flowing from my mind and my heart had only one positive answer for that “she’s a nice girl”. I always listen to my heart rather than my top floor.
The next day my dad asked me to come early from work. Before I could ask the most famous question why, my dad replied back saying it’s something related to my marriage. That evening we went to the girls place. We were greeted at the entrance by her parents and as usual my dad started speaking about my studies, work and salary, just to show off how good son he has. I’ve been sitting calm all the while with a little dejected look. Yeah dejected, because I need to marry this girl whoever it is else I would be forced. But what about my ‘Rain sent angel’ whom I met yesterday, well dad has just bought a new leather belt. So I thought its better for me to forget things and just accept the present. It started raining heavily outside and people even started to tell it’s really lucky to have rain in this situation. It always brings good fortune.
Well I don’t know whether it was a good fortune or not but rain has again bought good luck to me. The girl who I saw was my Rain sent angel. My happiness had no bounds and I wanted to jump in joy but unfortunately dad is sitting next to me. I was saying this to myself whatever happens she has to speak to me and there is no other go. But before I could ask I was disturbed by a call from my boss. I went out to speak and finish it as quick as possible but the moment I returned, it was like a Warfield for me. All I can hear was my dad shouting at their parents that he is not interested in proceeding further and walked out. My dream which was about to come true was shattered by my dad. I didn’t had any clue what happened, all I can remember was her eyes which was filled with tears.
There was a pin drop silence in my house when we returned and my dad had just proposed a LAW that no one should ever speak about that girl and the incident that just happened. Since I didn’t had any clue of what exactly happened, it was like Greek and Latin for me. That night I was getting all wild imaginations, whether she was a widow? Or she was in love with someone else? If so why she accepted for this so called engagement? Was it anything related to dowry? That was not possible coz my dad was against it always. Or is she from other cast? Hmmm then there is no way that my dad would have entered their house. Then what the hell is the problem. I was totally against this culture of seeing one girl, then rejecting her saying some filthy reason and seeing the other. This time my brain dominated me almost, but like my superstar who used to come at the right time, my heart told me one thing. Whatever happens, I’m going to marry her no matter whoever opposes. This time I didn’t even care about my dad’s new leather belt.
Next day I went early to office, got permission from my boss and went to find the whereabouts of my rain sent angel. I somehow found where she was working. It was private school where she was teaching some little kids with her skills. It really amazed me and moreover she was really happy with the way she was living her life. I could see her smiling all the while and that’s the first time I saw her smiling, oh my god how beautiful she is! Dad I said to myself, I think it’s time for you to change your glasses. I waited till she completed her class. On seeing me standing outside the class she didn’t even spared a minute to stay there. She walked out immediately; I followed her begging for just 2 minutes to speak with her. At first she hesitated, but she somehow agreed to listen to me.
We went to the nearest coffee shop. I started with a sorry, for the way my dad behaved and told her that I wanted to marry her, no matter whatever happens. She looked directly into my eyes for the first time in my life, but I was so steady in conveying my wish since it was from my heart. First time I saw her smiling to me and that was the best moment in my life. She then took me to her house, after several hours of blasting from her dad, just for the way my dad behaved he finally agreed. This is where I learnt patience. Now everything was from my side.
My decision of marrying her was opposed by every individual in my family, even by my six year old niece coz even she was bought up under my father’s control. The only person who was happy with my decision was my mom, but she can’t speak openly in that male dominated family, I would rather say male dominated society. The only option my dad gave to chose was to leave the house if I need to marry her. All this while she was standing next to me without uttering a single word. My dad thought I would say, I would marry her only with their permission. But that style was passé and I couldn’t even imagine of telling those dialogues. So I decided to leave my home and get married.
It was a beautiful day, my mom had been to temple for our marriage and she blessed us along with my lucky rain. Right from that day till now she admires every bit of me and always used to look into my eyes and even now. I can’t imagine my dad being so ruthless to her on that day. She is still sitting by my side and looking at me, I asked her “Do you really love me”. She didn’t say anything and just smiled at me. I wish I could hear her say “I Love You Too” but she can’t. She sometimes reminds me of my mom, who can speak but was not allowed, here I wished she could speak but she couldn’t. Both are same, even my mom is dumb rather was made physically handicapped in that society. And yeah this is the only reason for which I hate god. Even now I used to admire her teaching those kids only by her action. She was my positive energy, inspiration, role model and on top of this she is my wife, should be lucky to have her as my wife. It’s still raining.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Oh Shalini! Oh Shalini!
It’s so dark here; I couldn’t able to find the switch to turn on the lights. My hands are shivering and I can smell the blood. I don’t think any day could be worse than this, I can’t even find my mobile. I somehow managed to find the switch which I thought was the worst effort from me in my entire life. I shouldn’t have done that. The scene which I saw made me to switch the lights off ever in my life. I saw my wife in a pool of blood with her neck being cut. Even the wildest creature in the earth wouldn’t even dare to do this. My wife is dead, she is murdered a brutal murder. I don’t know what to do; I don’t even have the courage to see her in such a position. There is no one left in this world who could help me at this moment. We fought with our parents, came out of our house and got married. It’s been just 8 months since we’ve have been married. I really feel responsible for this.
Angels are sent by gods to help the needy and helpless people. I don’t know whether it was true but I somehow need someone like them who could help me out here. Yeah! There is one soul in this earth who could help me now and that’s my shalini. I somehow found my mobile and tried calling shalini. But there was no answer from the other end. Life hasn’t been so miserable for me. It has been quite an adorable 8 months and one evening has changed everything. Till yesterday she was there for me but now she is no more. I’m again trying to call shalini, but there is no answer. Oh my god, what a terrible situation is this.
It was like everything had happened just a day before. I came to know her through shalini. She shifted to our apartments when we were 15 years old. It’s been just a matter of few days she had become quite a good friend of shalini. Shalini would sometimes hang up with her ignoring me. I really felt bad those times. I even prayed to god that she leaves our place soon, so that shalini will always be with me. Shalini is one sweet person known to everyone in our apartments and even I used to get some recognition and good name just by being her friend. Shalini was an epitome of friendship and I can bet she would have even won a contest with karna and dhuryodhana in terms of friendship.
One fine day, I saw shalini speaking to one of the guys in the bus stop. When asked about what she had to speak with him, she told that she was proposed by him. I went and hit him, don’t know what was happening to me and even told shalini is mine and I won’t allow any one between us, in front of all. Shalini was a bit disappointed with the way I behaved and started avoiding me. I was sure my heart slipped for a moment when I told shalini was mine, and it just happened. I don’t want to justify it again. There was some affection from my side and had even thought how my life would be if I happen to marry shalini. She was totally on the other side and had never ever thought like that. She had once told me that she would always remain as my best friend. I really felt bad on my part, I was so cheap and mean.
Rakesh, I would rather call him a perfect villain. One more soul who got shifted to our apartment and the one who was sent by god to add more fuel to the fire. Within no time he made friend with shalini and a little bit hope which I had was also lost. Rakesh the most dreadful creature on earth, I couldn’t imagine why god created even these kind of people. I once came to know that Rakesh had tried proposing shalini, but again I don’t want to mess up with my image.
There is no answer from shalini; still I tried calling her number again and again. I don’t have the courage to inform police. The only source of help was my shalini.
If god closes one door, he opens the other. This was true in my case. I was left all alone; this is where the first time she came and spoke to me. I really hated her, because she was the one who initially took shalini away from me. I was totally surprised and shocked when she told she loves me. She had been consistently hearing about my likes and dislikes from shalini. Shalini was a kind of person who had never let me down in any of the instance. This is where I realized why shalini has ignored me most of the times during their conversation. It was just because she wanted to create an impression for me. How stupid of me to think in such a wrong way. I felt even more ashamed when I got to know that shalini was avoiding me for her, so that I can get to know how much she loves me.( A typical girls logic) Everything that was happening around me was by shalini. What a wonderful person she was and she would remain one always.
Shalini came and spoke to me the next day before I could do. She was so happy for me and I don’t have words to thank her. She wanted to tell me something but she didn’t. We soon got jobs and settled. We thought it was the time for us to ask permission from our parents for our marriage. There was a very strong opposition from both the side. We finally decided to break up all the rules and customs and got married.
The only person who was with us all this while was shalini and now I couldn’t reach her when I need her the most. I’m still trying to call her but no response from the other end. The only left out option for me was to call and inform police about the murder that had just happened. Before I could call, there is knock at my door and when I threw the door open, there stood the most unexpected guest of the evening, it was police. My day was made even worse when they gave me the news that even shalini was murdered. I wouldn’t have been punished in a better way than this. It was a double blow for me and the men in khakis started investigating me regarding the murder that had happened. After hours of investigation they at last found the culprit, it was none other than Rakesh. I didn’t have any idea why he killed my wife. The police had given the motive behind shalini’s murder was because she didn’t accept rakesh’s proposal, and moreover shalini was last seen in rakesh’s apartment. They had an argument it seems and that could have resulted in this crime. I was shocked to hear this.
Next day the papers read “Psychopath killer in city arrested for murdering two young women”. I read the news and felt sorry for all the 3 of them. There were thousands of questions coming up in my mind and I need to answer all of them. Why did shalini proposed me when she knew that I was married? Why didn’t she do that before my darling came into my life? Why my wife was killed? I need to answer all these questions.
The only answer I could give is shalini. Yes shalini, she is one who is responsible for all that happened last night. Shalini was also in love with me for a long time but she didn’t reveal that, I thought she was disappointed with me after the bus stop incident, but that was not the exact reason, it’s the day when she came and told shalini that she loves me and wanted shalini to help her out. This is where everything started. That evening Shalini had a discussion with Rakesh regarding her love for me and she wanted to propose me. Rakesh had advised and even tried stopping her saying that I was married and she should not do like this. They had an argument and at last shalini had her way. Adamant, a great character shalini possess made her call me that evening and proposed her love to me. I don’t know what to say and how to react. Shalini told me the whole story that had happened and I can sense what she was going through at that moment. I had been married for almost 8 months and my relationship with my wife was going smooth. I can’t betray my wife for shalini and in the same way I can’t leave shalini in such a state. She was everything for me at one point of my life but now she is just a part of my life. I can’t be so mean to my wife and as well to shalini. I need to take a decision now which shouldn’t affect any of us. There is one famous saying on women’s “You cannot live with them, you cannot live without them.” I’ve altered the statement, I can live without them. I cannot lose my wife for shalini nor lose shalini for my wife. There were so many weird thoughts going into my mind and at last the only solution I had was to live without them. So I killed them, since shalini was my first love I killed her first and then killed my darling, poor soul she was killed for no reason. Perhaps the only reason that she got killed was because of her excess love and affection towards me. Shalini was the responsible for everything, if she had told me about her love on that day before my darling proposed me, this wouldn’t have happened. I really feel sorry for Rakesh. The real psychopath killer is yet to be arrested.
Angels are sent by gods to help the needy and helpless people. I don’t know whether it was true but I somehow need someone like them who could help me out here. Yeah! There is one soul in this earth who could help me now and that’s my shalini. I somehow found my mobile and tried calling shalini. But there was no answer from the other end. Life hasn’t been so miserable for me. It has been quite an adorable 8 months and one evening has changed everything. Till yesterday she was there for me but now she is no more. I’m again trying to call shalini, but there is no answer. Oh my god, what a terrible situation is this.
It was like everything had happened just a day before. I came to know her through shalini. She shifted to our apartments when we were 15 years old. It’s been just a matter of few days she had become quite a good friend of shalini. Shalini would sometimes hang up with her ignoring me. I really felt bad those times. I even prayed to god that she leaves our place soon, so that shalini will always be with me. Shalini is one sweet person known to everyone in our apartments and even I used to get some recognition and good name just by being her friend. Shalini was an epitome of friendship and I can bet she would have even won a contest with karna and dhuryodhana in terms of friendship.
One fine day, I saw shalini speaking to one of the guys in the bus stop. When asked about what she had to speak with him, she told that she was proposed by him. I went and hit him, don’t know what was happening to me and even told shalini is mine and I won’t allow any one between us, in front of all. Shalini was a bit disappointed with the way I behaved and started avoiding me. I was sure my heart slipped for a moment when I told shalini was mine, and it just happened. I don’t want to justify it again. There was some affection from my side and had even thought how my life would be if I happen to marry shalini. She was totally on the other side and had never ever thought like that. She had once told me that she would always remain as my best friend. I really felt bad on my part, I was so cheap and mean.
Rakesh, I would rather call him a perfect villain. One more soul who got shifted to our apartment and the one who was sent by god to add more fuel to the fire. Within no time he made friend with shalini and a little bit hope which I had was also lost. Rakesh the most dreadful creature on earth, I couldn’t imagine why god created even these kind of people. I once came to know that Rakesh had tried proposing shalini, but again I don’t want to mess up with my image.
There is no answer from shalini; still I tried calling her number again and again. I don’t have the courage to inform police. The only source of help was my shalini.
If god closes one door, he opens the other. This was true in my case. I was left all alone; this is where the first time she came and spoke to me. I really hated her, because she was the one who initially took shalini away from me. I was totally surprised and shocked when she told she loves me. She had been consistently hearing about my likes and dislikes from shalini. Shalini was a kind of person who had never let me down in any of the instance. This is where I realized why shalini has ignored me most of the times during their conversation. It was just because she wanted to create an impression for me. How stupid of me to think in such a wrong way. I felt even more ashamed when I got to know that shalini was avoiding me for her, so that I can get to know how much she loves me.( A typical girls logic) Everything that was happening around me was by shalini. What a wonderful person she was and she would remain one always.
Shalini came and spoke to me the next day before I could do. She was so happy for me and I don’t have words to thank her. She wanted to tell me something but she didn’t. We soon got jobs and settled. We thought it was the time for us to ask permission from our parents for our marriage. There was a very strong opposition from both the side. We finally decided to break up all the rules and customs and got married.
The only person who was with us all this while was shalini and now I couldn’t reach her when I need her the most. I’m still trying to call her but no response from the other end. The only left out option for me was to call and inform police about the murder that had just happened. Before I could call, there is knock at my door and when I threw the door open, there stood the most unexpected guest of the evening, it was police. My day was made even worse when they gave me the news that even shalini was murdered. I wouldn’t have been punished in a better way than this. It was a double blow for me and the men in khakis started investigating me regarding the murder that had happened. After hours of investigation they at last found the culprit, it was none other than Rakesh. I didn’t have any idea why he killed my wife. The police had given the motive behind shalini’s murder was because she didn’t accept rakesh’s proposal, and moreover shalini was last seen in rakesh’s apartment. They had an argument it seems and that could have resulted in this crime. I was shocked to hear this.
Next day the papers read “Psychopath killer in city arrested for murdering two young women”. I read the news and felt sorry for all the 3 of them. There were thousands of questions coming up in my mind and I need to answer all of them. Why did shalini proposed me when she knew that I was married? Why didn’t she do that before my darling came into my life? Why my wife was killed? I need to answer all these questions.
The only answer I could give is shalini. Yes shalini, she is one who is responsible for all that happened last night. Shalini was also in love with me for a long time but she didn’t reveal that, I thought she was disappointed with me after the bus stop incident, but that was not the exact reason, it’s the day when she came and told shalini that she loves me and wanted shalini to help her out. This is where everything started. That evening Shalini had a discussion with Rakesh regarding her love for me and she wanted to propose me. Rakesh had advised and even tried stopping her saying that I was married and she should not do like this. They had an argument and at last shalini had her way. Adamant, a great character shalini possess made her call me that evening and proposed her love to me. I don’t know what to say and how to react. Shalini told me the whole story that had happened and I can sense what she was going through at that moment. I had been married for almost 8 months and my relationship with my wife was going smooth. I can’t betray my wife for shalini and in the same way I can’t leave shalini in such a state. She was everything for me at one point of my life but now she is just a part of my life. I can’t be so mean to my wife and as well to shalini. I need to take a decision now which shouldn’t affect any of us. There is one famous saying on women’s “You cannot live with them, you cannot live without them.” I’ve altered the statement, I can live without them. I cannot lose my wife for shalini nor lose shalini for my wife. There were so many weird thoughts going into my mind and at last the only solution I had was to live without them. So I killed them, since shalini was my first love I killed her first and then killed my darling, poor soul she was killed for no reason. Perhaps the only reason that she got killed was because of her excess love and affection towards me. Shalini was the responsible for everything, if she had told me about her love on that day before my darling proposed me, this wouldn’t have happened. I really feel sorry for Rakesh. The real psychopath killer is yet to be arrested.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Bride in Border
It’s been almost 6-7 days since I had slept properly. I’ve been haunted by so many weird dreams. It has not happened in last six years or so. This kind of sleep was totally unusual for me. I’ve never tried this over the last 6 years, sleeping in such a place. I always used to hear the sounds of cannon’s and rifles during my sleep and mostly it would end up in sleepless nights once we get an order for our regiment from our battalion. Things were quite routine and unexpected for me. I happened to choose this profession on my own without anyone’s intervention and I’m happy serving the nation.
It’s been almost more than 6 years I’ve joined military and I like the way I’ve taken my life. The only person who was unhappy in this whole earth was my mom. I’m the only relation left in the world for her and she don’t want to lose me as well. I remember the last time I visited home, she wanted me to get married and stay with her that was almost 2 years ago. I haven’t thought about my marriage for a long time, I thought I’ve been born to serve the nation and nothing else apart from that. She had even insisted me for asking a change in location where I work. But this is not a corporate job, where you have the options to choose your location of work. It was quite understandable from my mother’s point of view, but working in Kashmir border was a dream come true for me. I can proudly say that even I’m the part of a great team that’s protecting our nation at the border. During my initial days at the border I was a little bit moved when I had to shoot a women terrorist, but it was for protecting my nation and my people. After that I haven’t worried on any other instance.
I’ve come down to visit my mom for a 15 day vacation and it’s already 7 days over. My mom wished I had taken another 10 days in additional, so that she can spend some time with me. All these 7 days the only topic she would start as soon as the sunrise was about my marriage and even my answer would be of the same format ‘No’. But this time I somehow gave her a positive reply regarding my marriage and she was happy on that. Unless and until I like the girl, I won’t marry her was my only condition and my mom agreed for that as well. My mom was about to start looking for a bride, when I told her that I’ve seen a girl already and have thought of marrying her. I’ve never seen my mom so much elated and she started asking about the girl.
I won’t say that she was my first love, since I already had two girlfriends. I mean my 6mm pistol and my rifle. I happened to see her around 1 am about to cross the border. She was about to be taken as hostage, where I saved her from those terrorist. I took her to our regiment and started to enquire about her whereabouts and how she got into their hands. She was living in one of the few houses near the border and had been in house arrest by the terrorist for almost two days. I was glad that we shot all the four of them and saved the life of this girl. She begged me to enquire about a person showing his photo. Since we had to report this incident and surrender her to our headquarters in the morning, I thought there was quite a bit of time left with us to find about that person.
The weather in the border is quite unpredictable as it started to snow. Not even a single soul in this earth would dare to step out, but we are being used to it. I’ve asked my lieutenants to find about the guy whom she had asked to. I was given instruction to take her to our head quarters 2 days later because of the bad weather. I won’t say those were two beautiful days in my life, but it was kind of altogether two different days for me. She was lying in one corner like a puppy and weeping all the day. For a person like me, handling guns and rifles were easy than speaking to a girl. I don’t know how to start, what to ask and moreover how to console her. I lit the fire in one corner and sat next to it with a cigar in my mouth. I gave her few breads in which she took only a little and continued her weeping which was left undone. I soon gathered courage and started speaking to her. More than casual talks it was like an enquiry and I knew I was like that. I don’t know whether my words had any magic, but was sure that it made her stop crying. I started speaking to her for almost 3 hours. Soon she started getting a little, very little comfortable with me and started to speak with me which I hoped shouldn’t have happened. First time in my life, I’ve started to like a girl and speak with her. The first few words which came from her mouth made me totally off.
There was a message for me from one of my lieutenant and I had to leave immediately. She was more scared at that time and didn’t want me to leave her, she was again in tears and I realized this time it was for me. This was the second unusual thing for me, the first being speaking to her. She felt so lonely thinking she was the only soul left on the earth. I assured her that I would be back in a very little time.
All the while, heading towards the place I was haunted by those ruthless words from her. She told that she was married and was staying with her husband in that border house. The only relation she had on this earth was her husband since she was an orphan. The guy whom she had asked me to enquire was her husband who had escaped when she along with her husband was about to be taken as a hostage. She even feared that he might get killed, since he had escaped (women’s instinct). First time in my life I cried inside when I heard that she was married. I dont know why, may be i was in love.
I reached the place and found there were some foot mark traces. I asked my lieutenants to go and take care of her since she was left all alone and since they were involved in the search for almost 10 continuous hours. Few hours later I reached the regiment and she was so happy to see me. Alas! Her happiness didn’t last longer when I gave her news that her husband was dead and his body was lying in a very bad position. She couldn’t control her tears and started crying like her whole world has ended. I was unable to console her at this very moment and felt sorry for her.
A day later, we along with her husband’s dead body reached the head quarters. She was left with no hope in life and that’s where I took the decision of marrying her. It was certainly unfair from my side to ask her to marry me since she it was hardly a day she lost her husband. After 4-5 hours of continuous struggle in consoling her she agreed, that was one of my beautiful moment in life. I got permission from my general and he was really proud and happy of my decision in marrying her. I immediately got 15 days leave and went home to see my mom.
My mom after hearing all this was feeling bad for what had happened to her and was so much happy with the decision of mine. She immediately wanted to see her daughter-in-law. After all the process and formalities got over in our head quarters, she reached my place on the 8th day. My mom had arranged the marriage and it was so simple and a happy moment for all the 3 of us. A few of my comrades had visited my place for this occasion. I sent a letter back to my general through one of my lieutenant.
This was one of my beautiful; I would rather say the best night in my life, sitting in front of me was the cutest soul. I tried directly looking into her eyes, but I couldn’t. I wanna confess something to her, but something is stopping me from doing that. I really have to confess else I won’t be able to sleep properly, and would end up getting all those weird dreams. I wanted to hold her face in my hands and want to say that, sweetheart please forgive me, I’ve done the worst thing in the world and you’re the reason for that. I don’t know why I did that, but I was left with no other option. I shot your husband on that day. You are the only reason for that, it’s just a matter of few hours that day you stole my heart. I shouldn’t have even thought of doing that, but I was helpless. It’s just a matter of few hours I became a hostage to you and don’t want myself to get released but there was a barrier in the form of your husband and I ought to break that for you. I loved you more than anything and wanted you as my wife. I’m really sorry. But before I could start saying anything, my mom called and told that I’ve got a call from my general in a happy tone. My General has accepted my resignation. I may not be a sincere military officer but I would definitely be a good husband.
It’s been almost more than 6 years I’ve joined military and I like the way I’ve taken my life. The only person who was unhappy in this whole earth was my mom. I’m the only relation left in the world for her and she don’t want to lose me as well. I remember the last time I visited home, she wanted me to get married and stay with her that was almost 2 years ago. I haven’t thought about my marriage for a long time, I thought I’ve been born to serve the nation and nothing else apart from that. She had even insisted me for asking a change in location where I work. But this is not a corporate job, where you have the options to choose your location of work. It was quite understandable from my mother’s point of view, but working in Kashmir border was a dream come true for me. I can proudly say that even I’m the part of a great team that’s protecting our nation at the border. During my initial days at the border I was a little bit moved when I had to shoot a women terrorist, but it was for protecting my nation and my people. After that I haven’t worried on any other instance.
I’ve come down to visit my mom for a 15 day vacation and it’s already 7 days over. My mom wished I had taken another 10 days in additional, so that she can spend some time with me. All these 7 days the only topic she would start as soon as the sunrise was about my marriage and even my answer would be of the same format ‘No’. But this time I somehow gave her a positive reply regarding my marriage and she was happy on that. Unless and until I like the girl, I won’t marry her was my only condition and my mom agreed for that as well. My mom was about to start looking for a bride, when I told her that I’ve seen a girl already and have thought of marrying her. I’ve never seen my mom so much elated and she started asking about the girl.
I won’t say that she was my first love, since I already had two girlfriends. I mean my 6mm pistol and my rifle. I happened to see her around 1 am about to cross the border. She was about to be taken as hostage, where I saved her from those terrorist. I took her to our regiment and started to enquire about her whereabouts and how she got into their hands. She was living in one of the few houses near the border and had been in house arrest by the terrorist for almost two days. I was glad that we shot all the four of them and saved the life of this girl. She begged me to enquire about a person showing his photo. Since we had to report this incident and surrender her to our headquarters in the morning, I thought there was quite a bit of time left with us to find about that person.
The weather in the border is quite unpredictable as it started to snow. Not even a single soul in this earth would dare to step out, but we are being used to it. I’ve asked my lieutenants to find about the guy whom she had asked to. I was given instruction to take her to our head quarters 2 days later because of the bad weather. I won’t say those were two beautiful days in my life, but it was kind of altogether two different days for me. She was lying in one corner like a puppy and weeping all the day. For a person like me, handling guns and rifles were easy than speaking to a girl. I don’t know how to start, what to ask and moreover how to console her. I lit the fire in one corner and sat next to it with a cigar in my mouth. I gave her few breads in which she took only a little and continued her weeping which was left undone. I soon gathered courage and started speaking to her. More than casual talks it was like an enquiry and I knew I was like that. I don’t know whether my words had any magic, but was sure that it made her stop crying. I started speaking to her for almost 3 hours. Soon she started getting a little, very little comfortable with me and started to speak with me which I hoped shouldn’t have happened. First time in my life, I’ve started to like a girl and speak with her. The first few words which came from her mouth made me totally off.
There was a message for me from one of my lieutenant and I had to leave immediately. She was more scared at that time and didn’t want me to leave her, she was again in tears and I realized this time it was for me. This was the second unusual thing for me, the first being speaking to her. She felt so lonely thinking she was the only soul left on the earth. I assured her that I would be back in a very little time.
All the while, heading towards the place I was haunted by those ruthless words from her. She told that she was married and was staying with her husband in that border house. The only relation she had on this earth was her husband since she was an orphan. The guy whom she had asked me to enquire was her husband who had escaped when she along with her husband was about to be taken as a hostage. She even feared that he might get killed, since he had escaped (women’s instinct). First time in my life I cried inside when I heard that she was married. I dont know why, may be i was in love.
I reached the place and found there were some foot mark traces. I asked my lieutenants to go and take care of her since she was left all alone and since they were involved in the search for almost 10 continuous hours. Few hours later I reached the regiment and she was so happy to see me. Alas! Her happiness didn’t last longer when I gave her news that her husband was dead and his body was lying in a very bad position. She couldn’t control her tears and started crying like her whole world has ended. I was unable to console her at this very moment and felt sorry for her.
A day later, we along with her husband’s dead body reached the head quarters. She was left with no hope in life and that’s where I took the decision of marrying her. It was certainly unfair from my side to ask her to marry me since she it was hardly a day she lost her husband. After 4-5 hours of continuous struggle in consoling her she agreed, that was one of my beautiful moment in life. I got permission from my general and he was really proud and happy of my decision in marrying her. I immediately got 15 days leave and went home to see my mom.
My mom after hearing all this was feeling bad for what had happened to her and was so much happy with the decision of mine. She immediately wanted to see her daughter-in-law. After all the process and formalities got over in our head quarters, she reached my place on the 8th day. My mom had arranged the marriage and it was so simple and a happy moment for all the 3 of us. A few of my comrades had visited my place for this occasion. I sent a letter back to my general through one of my lieutenant.
This was one of my beautiful; I would rather say the best night in my life, sitting in front of me was the cutest soul. I tried directly looking into her eyes, but I couldn’t. I wanna confess something to her, but something is stopping me from doing that. I really have to confess else I won’t be able to sleep properly, and would end up getting all those weird dreams. I wanted to hold her face in my hands and want to say that, sweetheart please forgive me, I’ve done the worst thing in the world and you’re the reason for that. I don’t know why I did that, but I was left with no other option. I shot your husband on that day. You are the only reason for that, it’s just a matter of few hours that day you stole my heart. I shouldn’t have even thought of doing that, but I was helpless. It’s just a matter of few hours I became a hostage to you and don’t want myself to get released but there was a barrier in the form of your husband and I ought to break that for you. I loved you more than anything and wanted you as my wife. I’m really sorry. But before I could start saying anything, my mom called and told that I’ve got a call from my general in a happy tone. My General has accepted my resignation. I may not be a sincere military officer but I would definitely be a good husband.
Monday, November 10, 2008
My Selfish Angel
She was the most beautiful girl; I’ve ever met in my life. She was the one who gave a meaning to my life. She is in sound sleep now. I really love to see her sleeping; she’s grown up now, still sleeps like a kid. I remember the first time I met her was in my 1st standard and she had no other choice left apart from sitting next to me. I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable sitting next to her, so was she. But today I would be totally uncomfortable rather incomplete without having her in my life. Till 5th standard we used to sit together, slowly we were bonding together. She had become one of my best friend and foe.Both of our parents used to tease us saying “when are you going to marry eachother”.On hearing this she would disappear from that place in a fraction of second , where even the great Magic sarkar couldn’t find. I used to blush at that question innocently. I never ever had thought she ran from that place out of shyness.
On the day back from our school excursion, it was almost late in the night and almost everyone in the bus had slept including this sweet little angel. There was a power failure and whole route was filled with darkness, she slept in her seat sitting next to me holding my collar in one hand and a thumb in her mouth. From that day till now I’ve admired her sleeping and now I see her sleeping alone, still trying to admire.
People always put the blame on fate and time, but for us it was decided by ourselves. I still remember her sitting in one corner of her room and crying when we got our 10th results. She got 12 marks less to get a seat for biology group in our school. I really didn’t understand even at that time coz she had got enough marks for computer science group which she liked a lot. I had always been telling her about my aim to become a doctor since the time when my dad used to tell about his colleagues son/daughter working abroad after pursuing M.B.B.S.I didn’t have any idea what would make me to become a doctor, or why I wanted to take biology group. The only thing that attracted me that time was the word ‘Abroad’. It was like aamir khan and his villagers waiting for rain in the movie laagan, you never knew when it’s going to rain. That was the first day I realized I had to do something for her. I remember her hitting one of my class mates when he was continuously troubling me during our annual day function.
I decided this was the day where I can show some courtesy and concern towards my angel and opted for computer science group. She was so happy on hearing this and her joy had no limits. I could say that her joy would have even reached a few feet more than Mt.Everest.Good that Edmond Hillary and Tensing Norgay had climbed it long time back ;).From there on it was no stopping for us, we both joined the same tuition class, went out together for the same movie and she even used to accompany me for cricket matches as well.
The relationship between us was so beautiful that even a dew drop on a rose flower would be missing something in it to be admired. We joined the same college and she used to get jealous and possessive whenever I used to speak with other girls and vice versa. I’ve not even spared a single instance to tease her with the dumb person in our college; she used to hit back saying I’ve been growing up with the dumbest person in earth. I really didn’t know what she meant at that time. Since all these years none of us had proposed to one other, but it was always on the cards. The day finally arrived and it was on her birthday on our final year of our college when she proposed me and I accepted it without giving any second thought. I asked her why was she so late in proposing me, why didn’t she do that earlier, atlleast when we joined college together. This is place where she hit back with the same sentence “U DUMBO” I’ve always been alongside with you right from the day we knew each other and I didn’t even spare a second thinking of you, wished my clock had 30 hours a day, so that I’m still left with 6 complete hours just thinking about you. Tears came running down my cheeks as she completed. I was dumbstruck, I was searching for words, laa… baa… aa.. were the only words that were coming out of my mouth. She wiped my tears with her hand and had the same innocent smile on her face ,which she had when I got her a dairy milk on her 7th birthday.Ofcourse it was my parents who asked me to do so , but she still thinks it was my own idea at that very adolescence age. I thought life wouldn’t become better than this.
It’s almost 8.45 am, and it’s our 30th wedding anniversary, I’m still sitting near the bed admiring her in sleep and waiting for her to wake up. She always wanted me to be the first person seen in the morning, so I don’t wanna disappoint her on any case.
Our marriage was Love come arranged marriage, since our parents knew eachother, and even what we were going through at that moment. It was quite understandable from their side and our marriage was fixed. It was the most beautiful occasion I’ve ever seen in my life and that was the most beautiful day she had dreamt all her life. Can anyone tell when a girl is so beautiful? It’s the time when she is born? Or when she is in her teenage? Or when she becomes a mother? Well from my observation so far and in this very moment I can say that a girl is so beautiful in her bridal wear and what I saw was an angel at her best. I could easily say that even aishwariya rai would have been an admirer for my angel at this moment.
We were married and every day was as new as a budding flower. I had once thought beautiful days are only once in life when people are in love, but my angel proved the statement wrong. She made my every day as beautiful as possible which I’ve never imagined in my life, and a life which any soul in the earth could envy.
We were blessed with two beautiful children, one daughter and son. I think they were the next two beautiful people I’ve seen in my life after my angel. Both my son and my daughter were married and they had come down here for our 30th anniversary. Time is 9.25 am and I’m still sitting by her side waiting for her to wake up. There were few of my relatives who had been to our place on this day. My son standing near my shoulder trying to console me without controlling his tears, I’m still sitting by her side waiting for my angel to wake up and see my face which she always loved to do, but for the first time in our life she has cheated me. I would rather say she was ‘An Selfish Angel’. She left me all alone in this ruthless world.
On the day back from our school excursion, it was almost late in the night and almost everyone in the bus had slept including this sweet little angel. There was a power failure and whole route was filled with darkness, she slept in her seat sitting next to me holding my collar in one hand and a thumb in her mouth. From that day till now I’ve admired her sleeping and now I see her sleeping alone, still trying to admire.
People always put the blame on fate and time, but for us it was decided by ourselves. I still remember her sitting in one corner of her room and crying when we got our 10th results. She got 12 marks less to get a seat for biology group in our school. I really didn’t understand even at that time coz she had got enough marks for computer science group which she liked a lot. I had always been telling her about my aim to become a doctor since the time when my dad used to tell about his colleagues son/daughter working abroad after pursuing M.B.B.S.I didn’t have any idea what would make me to become a doctor, or why I wanted to take biology group. The only thing that attracted me that time was the word ‘Abroad’. It was like aamir khan and his villagers waiting for rain in the movie laagan, you never knew when it’s going to rain. That was the first day I realized I had to do something for her. I remember her hitting one of my class mates when he was continuously troubling me during our annual day function.
I decided this was the day where I can show some courtesy and concern towards my angel and opted for computer science group. She was so happy on hearing this and her joy had no limits. I could say that her joy would have even reached a few feet more than Mt.Everest.Good that Edmond Hillary and Tensing Norgay had climbed it long time back ;).From there on it was no stopping for us, we both joined the same tuition class, went out together for the same movie and she even used to accompany me for cricket matches as well.
The relationship between us was so beautiful that even a dew drop on a rose flower would be missing something in it to be admired. We joined the same college and she used to get jealous and possessive whenever I used to speak with other girls and vice versa. I’ve not even spared a single instance to tease her with the dumb person in our college; she used to hit back saying I’ve been growing up with the dumbest person in earth. I really didn’t know what she meant at that time. Since all these years none of us had proposed to one other, but it was always on the cards. The day finally arrived and it was on her birthday on our final year of our college when she proposed me and I accepted it without giving any second thought. I asked her why was she so late in proposing me, why didn’t she do that earlier, atlleast when we joined college together. This is place where she hit back with the same sentence “U DUMBO” I’ve always been alongside with you right from the day we knew each other and I didn’t even spare a second thinking of you, wished my clock had 30 hours a day, so that I’m still left with 6 complete hours just thinking about you. Tears came running down my cheeks as she completed. I was dumbstruck, I was searching for words, laa… baa… aa.. were the only words that were coming out of my mouth. She wiped my tears with her hand and had the same innocent smile on her face ,which she had when I got her a dairy milk on her 7th birthday.Ofcourse it was my parents who asked me to do so , but she still thinks it was my own idea at that very adolescence age. I thought life wouldn’t become better than this.
It’s almost 8.45 am, and it’s our 30th wedding anniversary, I’m still sitting near the bed admiring her in sleep and waiting for her to wake up. She always wanted me to be the first person seen in the morning, so I don’t wanna disappoint her on any case.
Our marriage was Love come arranged marriage, since our parents knew eachother, and even what we were going through at that moment. It was quite understandable from their side and our marriage was fixed. It was the most beautiful occasion I’ve ever seen in my life and that was the most beautiful day she had dreamt all her life. Can anyone tell when a girl is so beautiful? It’s the time when she is born? Or when she is in her teenage? Or when she becomes a mother? Well from my observation so far and in this very moment I can say that a girl is so beautiful in her bridal wear and what I saw was an angel at her best. I could easily say that even aishwariya rai would have been an admirer for my angel at this moment.
We were married and every day was as new as a budding flower. I had once thought beautiful days are only once in life when people are in love, but my angel proved the statement wrong. She made my every day as beautiful as possible which I’ve never imagined in my life, and a life which any soul in the earth could envy.
We were blessed with two beautiful children, one daughter and son. I think they were the next two beautiful people I’ve seen in my life after my angel. Both my son and my daughter were married and they had come down here for our 30th anniversary. Time is 9.25 am and I’m still sitting by her side waiting for her to wake up. There were few of my relatives who had been to our place on this day. My son standing near my shoulder trying to console me without controlling his tears, I’m still sitting by her side waiting for my angel to wake up and see my face which she always loved to do, but for the first time in our life she has cheated me. I would rather say she was ‘An Selfish Angel’. She left me all alone in this ruthless world.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
My Love Story
Hi all this is my first ever blog and I’m here starting with one of the life’s most beautiful thing Love .Love yeah its one of the greatest feeling anyone on this earth could experience and there is no one spared from this sweet poison. Even I’m one of the greatest victims of love. I don’t feel shy or rather uncomfortable in sharing this beautiful feeling.hmmm.. I had been knowing her for years and yeah even last night I was haunted by her in my dreams. I clearly don’t know what this is all about, now a days I often keep on seeing her in my dreams and at this moment I’ve realized that it is Love. Well I don’t think anyone could give me any other possible reason for this, it’s me who can take a call on this and yeah it is Love. I’m in love and I’ve even started realizing that I love her more than what she had for me. I stay here in Bangalore, and have been here for almost two and half years and she’s in Chennai. I can’t see her as and when I like ,but I have her number (I whole heartedly thank Graham bell at this moment).I could have easily called her up and told how and what I was going through at this moment , but don’t want to disturb her at this part of time , it’s already 11.30 pm L.
This time and the night is where I learnt the meaning for the words ‘Desperation’ and ‘Longing’. I was so desperate in saying this to her, alas! I couldn’t .I had wished her on her birthday and yeah of course the first person, and even used to speak with her for almost 2-3 times a week , but not even a single time I’ve told nor tried telling her about this beautiful feeling.
“Love can make you whatever you want to become “, “Love gives you courage”, “Love makes life beautiful”, “The best thing on earth is love”,”Love gives you strength to overcome any challenge you face”.
I’ve always heard people saying this and yeah in some movies as well where they use this as their caption but trust me I really don’t have any clue whether the above quotes are true or not. But was too sure of one thing, love had taught and explained me the meanings for few words. I really got to understand what does these words ‘Desperation’ ,’Longing’, ‘Ashamed’ , ‘Value’ meant.
I was really ashamed of myself, coz only after so many years I’ve started to value her. To be frank there were quite a few movie scenes which reminded her to me. I used to think so much about her at that time and then get back to my work as normal.
But this time I won’t let that happen, I don’t know how she would feel , but sure of one thing she won’t feel bad about me , not even a bit, coz even she had been longing to hear that from me.
I haven’t felt shy, not even on the first day of my college when a girl introduced herself to me and sat next to me in my college bus. But now I feel a bit shy (and yeah of course the meaning for the word ‘Shy’ as well) in admitting, anyways who cares Love has blossomed in my heart and no one could stop me this time not even the great ‘Hercules’.
If someone would ever ask which is the day I would really miss , my definite answer would be ‘Feb 14’ where any soul on this earth would have taken the opportunity and courage (the most essential thing needed for love, primary criteria) to express their love but I didn’t.
Remember in a Boost advertisement sachin used to say ‘This time I don’t wanna miss it’
That was the same case for me and even I don’t wanna miss it this time and would be the first person to tell her “Happy Mother’s Day Mom” Love you.
This time and the night is where I learnt the meaning for the words ‘Desperation’ and ‘Longing’. I was so desperate in saying this to her, alas! I couldn’t .I had wished her on her birthday and yeah of course the first person, and even used to speak with her for almost 2-3 times a week , but not even a single time I’ve told nor tried telling her about this beautiful feeling.
“Love can make you whatever you want to become “, “Love gives you courage”, “Love makes life beautiful”, “The best thing on earth is love”,”Love gives you strength to overcome any challenge you face”.
I’ve always heard people saying this and yeah in some movies as well where they use this as their caption but trust me I really don’t have any clue whether the above quotes are true or not. But was too sure of one thing, love had taught and explained me the meanings for few words. I really got to understand what does these words ‘Desperation’ ,’Longing’, ‘Ashamed’ , ‘Value’ meant.
I was really ashamed of myself, coz only after so many years I’ve started to value her. To be frank there were quite a few movie scenes which reminded her to me. I used to think so much about her at that time and then get back to my work as normal.
But this time I won’t let that happen, I don’t know how she would feel , but sure of one thing she won’t feel bad about me , not even a bit, coz even she had been longing to hear that from me.
I haven’t felt shy, not even on the first day of my college when a girl introduced herself to me and sat next to me in my college bus. But now I feel a bit shy (and yeah of course the meaning for the word ‘Shy’ as well) in admitting, anyways who cares Love has blossomed in my heart and no one could stop me this time not even the great ‘Hercules’.
If someone would ever ask which is the day I would really miss , my definite answer would be ‘Feb 14’ where any soul on this earth would have taken the opportunity and courage (the most essential thing needed for love, primary criteria) to express their love but I didn’t.
Remember in a Boost advertisement sachin used to say ‘This time I don’t wanna miss it’
That was the same case for me and even I don’t wanna miss it this time and would be the first person to tell her “Happy Mother’s Day Mom” Love you.
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